Glimpses of rage and rawness
Powerlessness over this situation
Shakey energy
Snappy
Want to start a fight
Want closeness only to push it away
Want strong arms to hold me
Let me bite into their flesh
so they can scream my pain
Because my voice is gone
Like wisps of sand blown
by the wind in a hot desert.
So many hands reach out to
bandage me with their words and tears
And it’s like I have no skin
Boom
it is like it’s normal
that nothing happened
But then it whispers out of my mouth
my baby, oh my baby
Til moans become sobs
And stop
Hold my breath
Breath in
Breath out.
And I have to move
I cannot sit.
I need to pound my chest
Pull my hair
And I get tired
So tired
I lay down
And scroll
Searching for something to make it better.

And it starts over again.