You are gone

I went for a walk to try to escape the anger
triggered by your death.
The unfairness of it all.
A part of the grieving process, I expect.

I saw the white egret
I had seen the day I found out you were gone.
I also saw that the white blossoms
had begun blooming since that day.

I hated the new growth, knowing
you would grow no more.

I spoke with a lone goose
who stood in his regular spot
as if he were standing on guard.
I asked if he had lost his mate.
He just looked at me and
cocked his head while he 
scratched his broad chest with his flipper.
Everyone seemed hunkered down
after the thunderstorm we just had.
Although, there were
a few ducks and a couple of squirrels
(remember squirrel nutkin?)
who wandered and swam.

I looked for you in everything
Maybe
I would hear your voice in the wind, 
or in the creaking of the branches.
I prayed for a sign or
just to feel your presence.
There was nothing.
No white feathers
indicating angels.
No radiance of cardinals.
No odd supernatural occurrence.
Except for this one thing.
A special tree
that felt as though it were
a portal to another world,

Was gone.
Like you.
I wept.

I thought about choices
(The Cherokee tale of the black wolf and white wolf)
I can let the painful ones pass through me,
like the storm.
And like the sun, when the night or storm has passed, 
my love and good memories will be there.

I then felt calmed, soothed and peaceful.

If I should forget this
I will look to
This memory
As well as your children
And those who loved you dearly
To remind me that

You are in my heart.
You walk with me.
You always did.

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